In my humble opinion, self-pleasuring yourself is the most liberating and radical thing a woman can do. For a long, long time, I was afraid to masturbate. There was a sense of shame and embarrassment around it that kept me from exploring myself sexually. Mostly because I was taught by my parentals that it wasn't "ladylike" while society was saying that sex and pleasure were only important in the context of giving your male companion pleasure, obeying and submitting to your husband--and this just isn't true. One of the reasons why I launched my adult store was to help women embrace their erotic inner goddess, tap into their femininity, and learn new waves of orgasmic bliss that they otherwise wouldn't have known had they not been daring enough to touch their yoni and explore it.
One of the best ways to embracing your erotic inner goddess is to learn how to masturbate. It not only boosts your confidence and personal pleasure but learning what you do and don't like on your own makes it easier for you to enjoy.
1. BLOCK OUT TIME TO "GODDESS GAZE"
We make time for the things that are important to us. So, why not give yourself permission to spend time on your own pleasure and getting to know your body? In my Facebook group "Black women learning to embrace their erotic inner goddess," I encouraged the ladies to go out and grab their own handheld mirrors from the Dollar Tree if they hadn't already owned one. Having a handheld mirror is key to "goddess gazing". Goddess Gazing is a statement I dubbed, which is essentially you taking at least 15 minutes of the day to prop your legs open with the mirror in between your thighs, and gaze at your pussy. There's toooo many women in the world prancing around, not even knowing what their yoni looks like. And, for you to begin to feel confident in your body and actually enjoy sex, even if it's solo dolo lovin', it's important you get to know the very important piece to render you the BIG O! Right? So, take some time out to touch her. Smell her. Talk to her. And most importantly, listen to your body and what you're yoni is telling you. It sounds silly, but in the moment, you'll have an "aha" moment and recall that statement and understand what I meant.
*Shameless plug, if you're interested in joining my FB group of women learning to embrace their inner erotic goddess, click here.
2. TOUCH YOURSELF
Get to touching, miss thang! Slowly move your fingers around your abdomen, pinch nipples and breasts, caress your thighs, and vulva. Play with your labia lips, move them around, slide your fingers up and down. Just get a feel for your body like you finally got the sense of feeling in your fingertips and want to touch and feel everything.
3. INVEST IN A VIBRATOR OR CLIT STIMULATOR
One day, I'll tell the story about how I thought I had a broken pussy because, no matter how much I had sex with my lovers, I just couldn't cum. It was highly frustrating, disappointing, and I really thought something was wrong with me.
It took me taking a trip to an adult store, gettin' curious, and going home with my very first bullet vibrator at age 19 for me to get my first orgasm and find out nothing was wrong at all. My clit just needed a little extra attention because she's bougie and spoiled like that.
It's a hard fact that women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and vibrators are put on this planet for that reason. If you've only been using your fingers or a dildo, it's time to treat yourself.
When you're ready to try a sex toy, I suggest starting with a beginner or an intermediate toy. Little Miss Innocent carries multiple beginners and intermediate toys including the Satisfyer Pro, the Little Miss Wanderlust, and the Lusty Lipstick! If this isn't your first rodeo and you'd like something a little more invigorating, try our Adonis or Happy Rabbit!
4. SWITCH IT UP
Variety is what spices up sex... even the kind we have with ourselves. If you haven't changed up your stroke or speed since you first learned how to masturbate, now's the time. For example, if you typically stroke yourself in a diagonal pattern, gliding your fingertips over your clitoris from side to side, try varying your stroke technique by caressing it using an up-and-down motion instead. Another option: Use one finger to trace circles around your clitoris without touching it directly. The nerve endings will still be indirectly stimulated, which helps build up a lot of tension and excitement before you even zero in on your pleasure point.
Also, add in a little yoni oil for clit play and nipple play as well. Explore your erogenous zones outside of just clit play and nipple play. Caress your thighs, your abdomen, your ass, your neck...
5. BREATHE. EXHALE, LOVE.
You'd be surprised how many women get so caught up in what their hands are doing that they forget to breathe. Focusing on your breathing builds a deeper connection to your body, and also helps you escape any distracting thoughts like 'Am I doing this right?' or 'Why am I not orgasming?' Just focus your attention on your inhale and exhale because your body will do the rest.
Remember, this is all about sexual exploration and pleasure. Awakening your inner goddess and enjoying the moment. This isn't a race to you orgasming. It's a journey of learning what feels good for you.
Have something to add? Or just want to share if these tips have helped, sound off below.
XOXO Jasemine